A quick word about mommy martyrdom

Hi, Reader!

I read something yesterday when I was finishing Peter Pan with my two little boys. It's near the end of the book, after Peter Pan has defeated Hook and taken charge of the Jolly Roger. Yo, ho!

Mr. Barrie decides it's necessary to leave the children on the ship for the time being so that we can sneak a peek at what's going on back in London at the Darling home.

"It seems a shame to have neglected No. 14 all this time; and yet we may be sure that Mrs. Darling does not blame us.

If we had returned sooner to look with sorrowful sympathy at her, she would probably have cried, "Don't be silly; what do I matter? Do go back and keep an eye on the children."

So long as mothers are like this, their children will take advantage of them; and they may lay to that [bet on that]."

I felt a twinge—okay, more than a twinge—of self-reproach when I read this.

So long as mothers are like what? 😧

👉So long as mothers say, "What do I matter?" their children will take advantage of them.👈

Do you agree with this?

Mrs. Darling is a good mom, but Barrie is pointing out one of her faults, saying that she's kind of a doormat.

Sometimes I have this dysfunctional desire to be a doormat (just lil ol me...thanks for noticing me...I don't need anything, really...) just so that people can pick me up off the floor, hug me, and tell me I'm not one. But this passive-aggressive tactic never works. In fact, it works against me.

When I say Mrs. Darling's words, "What do I matter?" and what I really mean is, "I don't matter," then my kids, and even my husband and my friends, will treat me like I don't matter. They won't mean to, but they'll take their cue from me.

When I say, "What do I matter?" and what I really mean is, "I'm sacrificing my time, my plans, and my convenience for this good purpose that God has placed right here in front of me," then I'm not a doormat. I'm a servant.

When a friend has surgery and needs her freezer filled with dump dinners, and you spend an entire day making them for her...that's beautiful. When your husband is called away from home at 6 p.m. just when you need him most, and you pick up the slack without giving him the side-eye...that's beautiful. When you're trying to get something done, and your kid loses his emotional crap, and you drop what you're doing to help him regain control even though you've already done this exact thing 10 times today...that's beautiful.

Laying down my life in submission to God and service to others is not the same as being a doormat.

"What do I matter?" You matter a lot.

You have important work to do in God's strength.

(Why did He create you if you don't matter?)

You are not replaceable.

You are not forgotten.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." –Luke 12:6-7

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." –1 Peter 3:3-4

"You were bought with a price." –1 Corinthians 6:20

Praying for you, Reader, as your devoted friend,

Michelle

P.S. If things are not going well, and you need prayer, reply to this email with the word YES so that I can pray for you. No details needed.